SETTING

Present Day. Interior of a black-owned barbershop (ew not Great Clips) on the Eastside of Atlanta. Flags for the Atlanta sports teams adorns all of the walls. Paintings of Barack Obama and Malcolm X kicking it reside next to the mirrors. Muhammad Ali and Kobe Bryant mural in the corner.

The Barber enters stage left, phone on his shoulder with his ear lowered to it. Middle-aged black man. He is wearing a baggy blue button up and big ass baggy Girbaud jeans with dusty black dress shoes. Glock 22 strapped to his right hip. His bluetooth earpiece is dangling from his left shirt pocket. The Barber rummages his pockets for a few moments before he hears a knock at the door (off stage). He raises his head from his shoulder and his phone falls to the ground and smacks the floor.

The Barber

(calling to someone off stage) Hold on, I’ll be right there!

(hushed tone) Where’s my goddamn earpiece?

The knocking at the door persists, getting louder and louder. The barber starts searching for his earpiece growing increasingly frantic. He finally stops at the center of the stage next to his phone on the floor and bends over to pick it up. His earpiece slides from his shirt pocket and falls into his view. The knocking starts again. The Barber curses to himself and hooks the earpiece up to his ear before shoving the phone in his pocket. He bustles off stage in order to answer the door. He walks back on stage with two boys, stage right.

Boy 1 is a teenage black male (15-18 years old). Pants sagging

with a very real looking fugazi Louis Vuitton belt and real

vintage Gucci sneakers. Boisterous with a big smile and a loud

personality. He looks like the type to pull out a band (a

thousand dollars) to pay for a 1 dollar Arizona just to flex on

the cashier at the gas station. He needs a haircut.

Boy 2 is a teenage black male (15-18 years old). He has a

reserved demeanor, hands tucked into his pocket and majority of

his face is pushed behind his oversized hoodie. He slowly tails

behind the Barber and Boy 1.

Boy 1

Damn nigga, you acting like I ain’t text you I was on the way 15 minutes ago. Y’know it don’t take that long to get from Wesley Chapel to Gresham.

The Barber

Shut up kid. I’m taking a call right now. What you want?

Boy 1

(sitting down)

Man my daddy been taking me to you my whole life. You know wassup. Just get me right. The usual.

The Barber

Hol up, lemme finish this call.

Boy 1 nods and stretches out in his seat.

The Barber(Continued)

Hello? Hello?… This mofo hung up on me…

Boy 1

Cuz nobody wants to talk to yo dusty ass.

The Barber

(walking over to barber’s chair)

Shut up boy. Now what cut you wanted again?

Boy 1

Nigga I JUST said the usual.

The Barber

Aiight damn. I was just hoping today was the day you’d let me cut that nappy bullshit off.

Boy 1

Shidddd, the hoes like it, good enough for me.

The Barber

Ya homeboy getting a haircut too?

Boy 2 shakes his head no, takes a seat adjacent to boy 1. Takes his phone out and begins scrolling.

The Barber

Okay cool.

Boy 1

That lil nigga don’t let nobody but his mama touch his hair.

The Barber

Oh that’s cool. He gonna have to grow out of that shit when he gets into college. Gonna be out and alone and all by himself.

Boy 1

Nah, you know he not leaving the city. Probably gonna go to Georgia State or some shit.

The Barber

Y’all some momma’s boys. I couldn’t wait to get outta my momma house and start making some money. This how I know y’all youngbloods don’t know nothing about women. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. NOTHING!

Boy 1

Nigga please. I get plenty of pussy. P-L-E-N-T-Y. Plenty.

The Barber

(turns on clippers and begins working on Boy 1’s hair) See? I ain’t say nothing about no pussy. I said you don’t know nothing about women. Real women want real men, not no little boys. Men with some hair on they chest. Y’all balls ain’t even drop yet.

Boy 1

Man, een even like that. Ion need to cater to these hoes. I been getting neck since I was selm years old.

Boy 2

(Boy 2 picks his head up from his phone.)

Dat’s cap.

Boy 1

(Disgusted.)

What nigga?

Boy 2

I said that’s cap. Wasn’t no hoes checking for yo long body ahh until you got them braces.

The Barber stifles a laugh and shuts off his clippers to switch guards.

Boy 1

Shut up nigga. I can still take yo bitch, ANY time I want. Jessica wit da fat ass hit my DMs too. I ignored her just cuz I knew you liked her. She was tired of messing with yo broke ass, wanted some money in her life. You would have never hit Tahira either, if I never went and got her number for you. Don’t bite the hands that feed you lil nigga.

Boy 2

Whateva man. Don’t get mad over the truth.

Boy 1

Nah nigga, you just got a big mouth. I should really get up and smack yo ugly ass. But I won’t cuz. I love you.

The Barber

Ya homeboy ain’t said six words since he been in here. You been running ya mouth nonstop. Seems like you the one that need to watch what he say to people. I let it slide cuz I been cutting ya hair since ya pops was free. Might be a whole other deal with someone else. World out here crazy outside ya momma house.

Boy 1

I hear ya.

The Barber

Good. Don’t say I ain’t ever teach you nun.

Boy 1

I feel you OG. Wouldn’t be here without ya.

The Barber nods approvingly and continues cutting hair. The stage is silent aside from the buzzing of the clippers. Boy 2 starts looking back down at his phone.

Boy 1 (Continued)

That’s why I feel really bad about fucking ya wife. She said it had been 20 years since she got some good dick.

The Barber bucks at Boy 1 in a joking manner and turns away to his station to change the guards on the clippers again.

The Barber

Boyyyy, say one more thing about my wife and ima push ya hairline to the Civil Rights movement.

Boy 1 and 2 start laughing simultaneously.

Boy 2

You should do that shit. Nessa never gonna fuck wit his lame ass after that.

Boy 1

I’d come back and light this whole damn barbershop up. Trust me.

The Barber

Ima grown ass man. Not scared of a little pressure. I keep that thang on me at all times. Now who’s Nessa?

Boy 1

She this lil bitty I’m supposed to be seeing tonight at this function we going to. I’m lowkey hoping she don’t come or cancel or some shit cuz this other girl, Bre, supposed to be coming thru and I’ve been trying to get on her for a minute. I heard Bre slopped up the whole basketball team over at Miller Grove.

The Barber

Why don’t you just keep it real with Nessa and tell her you want to see someone else? That’s that childish shit I been talking about.

Boy 1

If you walking down the street with a hunnid dollars in ya pockets but you see a twenty on the floor. You still gonna bend over and pick it up right?

The Barber

Not if I lose my hundred dollar bill in the process. Gotta know what has more value.

Boy 1

Whateva nigga. All I’m saying is Nessa got some crazy good leopard print pussy. I’m not letting that go no time soon.

The Barber

What the hell is leopard print pussy?

Boy 1

Shawty pussy dangerous. Type of pussy to make you wanna kill a nigga. Like a leopard or something.

The Barber

Nephew, you done lost me.

Boy 2

(laughing)

Yeah Nessa pussy so good it’ll make a nigga lose his mind.

Boy 1

Nigga what? Watch ya mouth.

Boy 2

You know yo girl been around the whole Zone 6. Don’t get mad at me.

The door rings as it opens to alert the Barber of a new customer walking into the barbershop. (off stage)

The Barber

Oh wassup fam. I’m almost done with him. You can sit on down.

Boy 3 enters stage right and walks to his seat, nodding at everyone already in the room. He is a young black male, 18-21 years old. He has a mad look in his eyes, all white tee-shirt and a blue Dickies. He has a chain on similar to Red’s from Friday. His hairline is atrocious and hair is unkempt, he looks as if he’s never seen a durag in his life. He pulls out his phone and sits disinterestedly.

The Barber (Continued)

So what is this function y’all going to supposed to be?

Boy 1

Best rappers in the country are going to be performing at the Masquerade.

The Barber

Like Jay-Z, Nas, DMX, Wu-Tang Clan, Eminem, Snoop Dogg, and shit?

Boy 1

Huh? None of them. It’s gonna be NBA YoungBoy, Gunna, Playboi Carti, Young Thug, Chief Keef, Lil Uzi Vert, Lil Baby-

The Barber

Y’all lil niggas love being kids. ‘LIL THIS AND LIL THAT. A BUNCH OF YOUNGS AND BOYS.’ Not one of these rappers can be a grown ass man? Like ODB or the Notorious B.I.G.

Boy 1

Don’t nobody listen to them old niggas. On god all them old niggas I just named tough as fuck.

Boy 2

I mean yeah, except for Chief Keef. He fell off bruh. He lowkey look like the opps too. Niggas from Chicago always been sus.

Y’all see how Kanye went coon.

Boy 3 raises his head from his phone and seems to have taken an interest in the conversation. He glares at Boy 2 who pays him no attention.

Boy 1

You sleep. Faneto go hard asf.

Boy 2

He been hyped up man. Don’t nobody even understand what the fuck he be saying and don’t be talking about shit.

Boy 3

Aye bruh watch ya mouth.

Boy 2

What?

Boy 3

I said watch ya mouth. Don’t be talking sweet about Chief Keef like that.

Boy 2

Chief Keef ain’t about shit man, he fake as hell and he don’t be putting in work. He ain’t no hitta.

Boy 3 rises from his seat and stands over Boy 2 who still is still seated. The Barber stops cutting hair and approaches him, trying to encourage him to sit down.

The Barber

Young man, I don’t even know who Chief Keef is but you need to take a seat. It’s not een that serious and he’s entitled to his opinion.

Boy 2

Need to get outta my face foreal foreal.

Boy 3

NAH NIGGA IM SICK OF THIS SHIT. FUCKERS IN SCHOOL TELLING ME, ALWAYS IN A BARBERSHOP, CHIEF KEEF AIN’T BOUT THIS, CHIEF KEEF AIN’T BOUT THAT, MY BOY A BD ON FUCKING LAMRON AND THEM, THEY SAY THAT NIGGA DON’T BE PUTTING IN NO WORK. SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Y’all niggas don’t know shit. All ya motha fuckas talk about Chief Keef ain’t no hitta, Chief Keef ain’t this, Chief Keef a fake, SHUT THE FUCK UP! Y’all don’t live with that nigga! Y’all know that nigga got caught with a ratchet shootin’ at the police and shit. Nigga been on probation since fuckin… I don’t know when!

Boy 1 rises from his seat, haircut still half finished. Cape on.

Boy 3 (Continued)

Motherfuckers stop fuckin’ playin’ him like that! Them niggas savages out there! If I catch another motha fucka talking sweet about Chief Keef, I’M FUCKING BEATING THEY ASS! I’m not fucking playing no more. You know those niggas roll with Lil Reese and them.

Boy 1

Nigga, I don’t care about Chief Keef but if you threaten my lil bro again, we gonna have a problem and that’s on my Grandma grave lil nigga.

Boy 2

Don’t even worry about it, I know he ain’t with the shits. Same as that lame ass nigga, Chief Keef.

The Barber

Nephew, do you need to leave?

Boy 3

I swear to god bro. Man, that shit irk me the fucking most. I know when a real nigga rap cuz I feel that shit, AND I FEEL KEEF!

Boy 2

Real recognize real and you looking real unfamiliar right now. I recommend you get up on outta my face.

Boy 3 continues to glare at Boy 2 before taking several paces back, Boy 1 keeping a close eye on him all the while. The Barber has his arm lightly extended in front of Boy 2 to keep him from charging at Boy 3. Boy 3 reaches his seat but doesn’t sit down. He pulls a handgun from his waist and takes aim at Boy 2. Boy 1 dives at him and a tussle ensues. A gunshot fires but it misses Boy 2 and hits the mirror behind him. Boy 3 gains the upper hand but before he can take aim again, he notices the Barber has his glock 22 aimed squarely at his head.

The Barber

Get the fuck out, before I shoot you little nigga. We don’t play that over here.

Boy 3 looks at Boy

2 and intensifies his gaze as if he’s

mulling his options. Boy 1 looks at Boy 3 with an exasperated facial expression, the Barber keeps aim. He ultimately opts to put his gun down and he hustles out of the barbershop. Exits stage right.

Boy 2

You good bro?

Boy 1

Nigga are YOU good?

Boy 2

Yeah I’m good. That shit was crazy.

Boy 1 gets up from the floor and walks back over his seat, takes the cape and hands it to the barber.

Boy 1

Yeah it be like that sometimes. Let’s finish this cut.

The Barber walks back over to his station, turns on the clippers, and continues to cut Boy 1’s hair. Boy 2 looks back down at his phone and curls up into his seat.

(BLACKOUT.)

 

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Najee AR Fareed, native of East Atlanta, is a Black author, artist, and creative curator. He is an award-winning playwright and has a plethora of poems, prose writings, and short stories in publication. Najee seeks to upend unnatural expectations and stereotypes about how art should be consumed. For more information, please visit his Instagram: @nafsnigga.