CHARACTERS

DIANA – Young woman obsessed with telenovelas

CONSUELO – Character in the telenovela, La Vida Corta

TIME

Present

PLACE

Small living room

Grabbing the remote control, DIANA turns on the television. The title of the telenovela, La Vida Corta, appears on the screen. Followed by a shot of the villainous CONSUELO. CONSUELO pens a letter, reading out loud as she writes.

CONSUELO

Beloved sister, I am sorry to hear that your youngest child has gone missing–

DIANA

Desgraciada, you’re the one who kidnapped him–

CONSUELO

I pray that he will be returned to you soon. Sister, it pains me to be apart from you at this moment. You should not have to carry this burden alone and so, it is only reasonable that I might stay with you.

DIANA

No remorse, nothing.

CONSUELO

I can help out around the house.

DIANA

Or try to seduce your sister’s husband.

Consuelo turns towards Diana.

CONSUELO

How am I expected to act while working under such conditions?

DIANA appears confused.

CONSUELO

Yes, I’m talking about you. The lady that keeps commenting. How am I supposed to do my job if you keep hurling insults at me?

DIANA

There must be some sort of mistake.

DIANA turns the television off and back on.

CONSUELO

You know this is make-believe, right? It’s not real. I don’t understand why you get so riddled up.

DIANA

Who is she talking to?

CONSUELO

Yoo-hoo, can you hear me? I’m talking to you. The one with the glasses and the split ends.

DIANA

My hair is perfectly healthy, thank you very much.

(beat)

Wait a minute …

CONSUELO

Even from where I’m standing I can see the damage.

DIANA turns the television off and turns it back on again.

CONSUELO (cont)

Hey, stop that!

DIANA turns the television off and turns it back on again. CONSUELO has returned to writing her letter, she’s turned slightly away from DIANA.

DIANA (reassuring herself)

See, nothing out of the ordinary. Everything’s completely normal.

CONSUELO turns towards DIANA once more.

CONSUELO

What did I tell you about the noise? Do you really need to say everything out-loud?

DIANA

Ahhhh.

DIANA attempts to turn off the television but to no avail.

CONSUELO

Maybe you need new batteries.

DIANA

I changed the batteries like a week ago, I don’t …

DIANA moves further away from the screen.

DIANA

How can you talk to me?

CONSUELO

The same way anyone talks to you.

DIANA

No, no, no. You’re a telenovela actress, this is all supposed to be prerecorded.

CONSUELO

Well it’s not, we’ve been running a bit behind schedule. And it certainly isn’t helping our case that you keep interrupting.

DIANA

Will the season finale still come out next Friday?

CONSUELO

It depends on whether or not you keep talking.

DIANA

Fine, I’m sorry. I’ll stop.

(beat)

Wait no, I have another question. Is Marisol’s son still alive, it was a bit unclear in the last episode.

CONSUELO

That’s going to be answered at the end of this episode.

DIANA

Oh okay.

(beat)

Can you let me know in advance? Just so I’m prepared.

CONSUELO

Prepared?

DIANA

Yes, prepared emotionally.

CONSUELO

No, I can’t tell you. That would spoil the rest of the episode.

DIANA

Come on, just give me a hint.

CONSUELO

Dear God, I’m an actress. Can you just let me do my job? With no interruptions, please.

DIANA

Sorry.

CONSUELO turns away from DIANA and picks up her pen.

DIANA

I just, I have one last question.

(beat)

What is it like working with Katya Ortiz Fernandez? Everyone is always saying that she’s such a diva, but she seems so sweet and down-to-earth.

CONSUELO

Silence!

DIANA

I really want to know.

CONSUELO

I quit, I can’t do this anymore.

DIANA

No, you can’t quit! If you leave, they’ll have to cancel the show.

CONSUELO

No one has any respect for me.

DIANA

I respect you, I think you’re a phenomenal actress. Better than Katya Ortiz Fernandez.

CONSUELO

You think so?

DIANA

I know so. The show wouldn’t be the same without you.

CONSUELO

You think so?

DIANA

Of course. The viewers love to hate you. You’re perfectly evil.

CONSUELO

And what if I don’t want to be evil anymore? I’m tired of kidnapping children and trying to seduce married men.

DIANA

But no one does it better than you!

(beat)

You were practically born for this role. No one else could pull off playing such a heinous character.

CONSUELO

You think so?

DIANA

Katya Ortiz Fernandez could never.

CONSUELO

Of course, she couldn’t. She can’t even act. All she has going for her are her looks. But everyone is always talking about how talented Katya is. She’s a fraud. A complete and utter fraud. I should have gotten the role of Marisol, that’s the one I originally auditioned for. But I couldn’t compete against Katya’s stardom.

(beat)

No one cares about talent anymore.

DIANA

You must prove once and for all who the better actress is. Go back there and show them what you got.

CONSUELO

I will!

CONSUELO returns to her letter. She signs her name with a flourish and sets her pen down.

CONSUELO (cont)

I swear I will defeat you, Marisol.

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Maria I. Arreola is a senior at Macalester College majoring in Sociology and Political Science with a minor in Spanish and Theater. She is a recipient of the Kennedy Center Region 5 John Cauble Short Play Award and her play Floating Girls Go To The Moon is a National Semifinalist for the 2021 Kennedy Center American College Theatre Festival. She is currently a member of the Minnesota Young Women’s Cabinet and is interested in the potential for change through the arts.